Then and Now

7 Jul

Who would have thought I would be the person I am right now? Well,certainly not me. I mean, I had my daydreams and little wishes but I never really thought I would achieve them. I was my own worst self-critic and no one else pitied me more than I pitied myself.

As a young girl, I was the skinny, awkward one whom everyone taunted as the weakling. People also thought I was weird and slightly abnormal in the head. That was so degrading for me. Not to mention all the other childhood traumas I had (dancing and seeing things that a child is not supposed to see). But, as I grew up, I learned everyone was weird in one way or another and that I’m not the only nutcase in the world. As me being the weakling, when other kids bullied me, I always fought back. No one was gonna oppress me! Well, that was what I wanted to happen but I was usually on the losing side. Now that I’m training in arnis (me joining a varsity?), I may not be the best but, as our coach said, if you have the baston, you have the advantage (unless you’re fighting against someone who knows empty hand disarms!).

When I was about 12 to 13 years old, I was so boyish. Sometimes my little brother would mistakenly call me “Kuya Darlene”! (That still happens sometimes but I’m no Kuya!) I wore oversized t-shirts and cargo pants,my hair was so short, and my body was slim and straight like a boy. I was so much skinnier back then. Now, I’ve fattened up a bit, grew my hair, and wear more girly clothes that don’t look as bad as that horrendously frilly party dress I wore when I was 5.

I also dreamed of getting into all these famous schools like Philippine Science High School and UP. I didn’t get into Pisay but I did get into RegSci. In my fourth year in high school, either I was lazy or depressed, but I was able to apply for the entrance exams of only 2 schools! So, it was only either UP or Xavier University (aka Ateneo de Cagayan). I was so nervous when the results were coming out. What if I didn’t pass any one of them? Do I have to wait for the next entrance exams of other schools?! But, as it turned out, I passed them both. Well, obviously, I chose to study in UPLB.

When Cartoon Network first became available in the Philippines, early morning, late at night, and whole weekends consisted of cartoons, cartoons, cartoons. Then came anime’, Discovery Channel, Lifestyle Network! Such a TV addict! Well, I still was last year when I was still boarding at my old dorm with the large TV with cable(not for free). But, I dare say, TV SUCKS! It’s true that TV can be educational but the more popular channels are just full of CRAP! I remember a quote I read in issue of Reader’s Digest, “You turn the TV on to turn off your brain…”. So true. Why? When you watch TV, you do nothing else but just sit there and stare (or maybe eat a snack or two) and react consciously or unconsciously to the audio-visual input to your brain. However, I have become an Internet addict and only financial restraints keep me from being eaten by the internet cafe’ because I have no other-cheaper- means of accessing the www. Just so you’ll know, the other half of the quote that I just mentioned is,”….You turn the computer on to turn on your brain.” Like what I’m doing now. You have to think about what you enter in your blog if you don’t want to regret what you said, right? Unless you’re a real IDIOT! (I’m so mean. I know. That’s another change in me. I used to be so nice to the point of becoming a doormat but that’s only on the outside to please people. But my mom always knew the real me and a few friends have seen my “dark side”. Also, before, I never swore. But, now I do, sometimes, under my breath anyway.)

What you have just read may not be new to you because we all have these stages we go through. The details may be different but I’m pretty sure some people can relate to what I’ve experienced.


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